Lights out

I woke up at 5:30 am this morning, amidst all the clanging and ruidos upstairs where the neighbors tried to tire down their kids. Subconsciously I reached out to the phone and despite the dimmed lights passing through my window I dialed for the School's hot line. The commercialized voice over the phone informed me of a two hours delay, I thought to myself "fuck it, I have bigger issues at hand" and I fell back to sleep.

My boyfriend of almost two years, Daniel and I had just escaped a car accident that left his brand new Honda S2000, naive of just three days, ruined and totally dysfunctional. That was my first car accident in the first eighteen years of my life and most importantly...we were both doing so well for ourselves, in an instant, all our hard work and sacrifices came to an abrupt end. I say to myself, to keep on praying, to keep up the optimistic faith, to keep on winning no matter how bad you're losing.

Laying in bed, Dan had left early for work in the morning and here, nothing but the stomping upstairs keeps me company, I feel the epidemic of despair crawling up my bed leg and scouring under my sheets. I must be strong for both my future and his, we've come so far to be sad over a ruined vehicle.

Let's talk about ruined futures. About a tedious future of long worked hours. It is at this moment in time where I thought of Dan's profession. He must be more...I am greedy, I'm aware of this but I'm greedy of life for him.